Let me take some pictures (of myself)
Tip #18 - Take more pictures OF YOURSELF
This post is part of a series I’m writing from mid-June to mid-November 2024, on things that helped me rebuild my confidence, sense of self, and increased my delight in my life after massive difficulty in multiple areas. For full details and post links to all 110 things, go to this post here.
Tip #18 - take more pictures of yourself
**WARNING - there’s a whole lot of pictures of my face in this post but that’s the point of it so just buckle up**
It' really is that simple. However, for a massive portion of my life there is really not much proof of my participation.
(probably 1994 ish?)
I’ve always been the person taking pictures, and taking pictures of other things.
Not of myself, like ever.
Partly because I’m awkward in front of a camera (or always told myself I am), partly because there was a sense of vanity in making yourself nice to look at or taking pictures of yourself that I internalized a lot from religion and the culture I grew up in - whether or not that was the intention that WAS the result - and I was never really with people who took pictures of me very often at all.
I don’t have pictures of myself when I was pregnant, I don’t really have pictures of myself with my kids when they were younger and little, I have loads of pictures of them though, but not much where I’m in them too.
It does make me sad now, in hindsight.
I’m so glad I took all of those pictures, but I do with now that I had proof of my own steps, my own life, my own situation as an individual.
SUCH AN ESSENTIAL THING.
Such a simple thing.
I started taking more pictures of myself after my split. It was awkward and difficult but I really had no idea how I actually looked, I just didn’t know.
So weird. I was in my 30’s and really didn’t understand how I took up space in the world and what I look like.
I’m still figuring it out.
It’s literally kindof really really tough.
I still don’t know how - like logistically how - to take pictures of myself with other people, when we’re out doing things. I don’t know how to do that.
I didn’t even own a full size mirror until a year and a half ago, I just had no concept or internal knowledge of the way my body looks in and out of clothes, the way outfits work on my frame, how my physical meat suit handles the planet.
It’s so frustrating.
There was so much judgment at first. SO much.
I can’t express how much this one tip has helped my progress.
Continuing to do this has helped that judgment go away.
Like so much else, I’m learning, it’s so much more about acceptance.
It’s part of honesty, it’s part of self love, it’s partly a way to have proof of progress, proof of your existence in the world!!
You exist - there ought to be proof.
In seasons of happiness and difficulty, insecurity and confusion, confidence and excitement, curiosity and deep fear, having pictures of myself makes me feel more tender to my being, more positive about my form and my insides and my essence.
The more I have been doing this, just for fun, just for me, the more I feel a surety about myself.
I can see my reflection and think oh there you are - I know you and after not really feeling like I have ever had that feeling when I see someone else, recognizing home when I see my own face is fucking incredible.
Take more pictures OF YOURSELF.
Really really is worth it.
ttyl xx - Marian