ROOKIE MISTAKES ARE FINE
Tip #36 - try something new - suck at something new
This post is part of a series I’m writing from mid-June to the end of 2024 or whenever it ends, on things that helped me rebuild my confidence, sense of self, and increased my delight in my life after massive difficulty in multiple areas. For full details and post links to all 110 things, go to this post here.
Tip #36 - try something new, suck at something new
This is one of my favorite reframing techniques and has helped remove the fear from a lot of things, big and small, that I’ve started.
In anything we see that we end up having an “I wanna try that” response towards, we’re likely looking at someone sharing their skill and talents when they’re already competent.
By the time they share it and we see it, they have likely had hours and hours of practice at the thing.
Obviously this is part of what entices, the flow and ability of the competent is alluring and gorgeous to see. But obviously also, it is rare that someone can step into something at all and easily or quickly be enviably good.
Interestingly there’s a handful of cases when someone had a traumatic brain trauma and ended up being able to do intense math afterwards, but that’s not going to happen to me.
When I decide I want to pick up a film camera again or get on a skateboard again it just isn’t going to be immediate expertise, that’s just not real.
But we will not be deterred!!
The only way through is through and that means action and confronting the part where you’re a full beginner and you’re absolutely going to suck at this.
I used to be scared at that.
But it means I’m in the right place. The “you are here” is pointed at the beginning when I’m in the sucking part (lol sorry/not) and that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.
To suck is step one.
AND SO!
Once you’ve decided you wanna try something new – which is good and we should be doing this all the time because it’s just cool to acquire new skills and good for you to keep learning, to keep moving your body – it’s also important to recognize and embrace the time period that is the beginning which can be lengthy and in which we will be awful at the thing you want to be good at.
Probably for a long time.
I learned this recently with my kids.
As a note/lifehack/bonus tip - it’s nice to help kids learn new things, because the way you encourage them to continue to foster a skill or a hobby, is the same tone of tenderness and encouragement you should have with yourself.
Seriously, think about it.
Can you imagine telling a 3rd grader their art sucks? No way in hell or you’re just a demon already.
Can you imagine telling those kids on the soccer field they suck so they should just quit right now and get an office job? No again.
You have a kid who makes art, who makes up stories, who is interested in sports, who reads a lot, who likes to take things apart and asks questions about how the world works??
You’re going to treat them and that interest they’ve got about the cool thing they’re into as a holy growing thing. You won’t speak ill about it at all so as to not derail their belief in their own potential for competence, or to demolish the process of their own practice of self-belief, and do what you can instead to nurturing of their interests and abilities.
The intentional directing of one’s hungry curiosity is a gorgeous blooming thing. Say nice words to that whenever you see it happening.
So should we treat ourselves too.
I got a longboard almost two years ago now. It’s not gotten as much use as I’d like, but getting it was a long held goal.
A return to a specific sense of freedom I was craving.
To return to trying to be on things on wheels, and to hurl myself through the air with joy more often as an adult, like I used to as a kid.
Have you ever seen a lady in her mid 30’s trying to learn a new mode of self transportation?
Well the folks in my neighborhood have.
They saw me hold the shoulder of my son while I regained some balance and strengthen my equilibrium, they saw me coast slowly up and down the extra wide center sidewalk while my daughters rode circles around me on their rollerblades, and they watched while I rode alone up and down and up and down the extra wide sidewalk too.
Arms pretty flailing sometimes, I’d slowly round the turns and haltingly cross the road and the only way to learn it was to learn it from zero and in public.
And ya know what, not one of them called me a dork or a dummy.
They all seemed supportive and/or disinterested, but there was a much higher percentage of positive feedback that surprised me.
It shouldn’t have but still being perceived and responded to is a difficulty. Doing things “aloud” still carries some adrenaline for me from the critical nature of past experiences but we’re getting through it
Where I so often feel like I should always be apologizing for taking up space (I’m getting better at this) people were encouraging, and a few times a gaggle of youths even complimented my board.
Whether or not this was secretly a diss I don’t even care.
It was nice to prove to myself that mid 30’s moms can learn new things. It was nice and scary too to see my kids watch me try new things in public and to start to gain a competence.
That’s what happens when you practice something.
But if I’d been afraid to suck at it and stopped there, I never would’ve felt the rush in my hair and the wind through my clothes and the fun of cruising along the pavement propelled by my own body again, giving my kid another high five as she lapped me (again).
That was a good lesson for me.
To suck at something new and not be afraid to be seen doing it, even where other people can see.
It’s a self freedom.
So many of the walls we think we have aren’t even real, we’re just afraid to get up and go check.
Lysm my nerds - let’s go give it a try.