Tip #1 : Identify your team
This post is part of a series I’m writing from mid-June to mid-November 2024, on things that helped me rebuild my confidence, sense of self, and increased my delight in my life after massive difficulty in multiple areas. For full details and post links to all 110 things, go to this post here.
Tip 1 : Identity your team
Back in the day, during the religious times of my life, I used to end up in church positions in which I taught the youth and was asked to give lots of talks.
One of the things I would discuss a lot was community support. Regardless of my opinions of church these days, that is one thing I appreciated and still respect about church - the community is built in and often really tight and helpful.
We would discuss this for loads of reasons, specific to being a teenager and also applicable to being a person in the world trying to do good things.
This literal meaning of team shows up for me watching my son play sports, watching my daughters with their friends, and realizing whenever we go do something, there are people who share in our victories, appreciate and support us in our lessons, who are eager and delighted to hear from us about all of what we are going through.
It is so nice to know with a surety that there absolutely are people in your life that actually DO care with genuine pure motivations that you exist.
The idea of the team, and the actual exercise of listing the team, showed up for me in these church lessons as an assignment we would do in class with paper and pencils.
I want you to do it too.
Get out a pencil and paper or some type of writing tool, yes the notes app is fine, but actually make a list someplace and somewhere.
Write down the people you know you could call if you were stranded on the road and needed a ride.
Write down the names of the people who would be happy for you, genuinely stoked, if you shared a win of any size with them.
Definitely include the people who would bring you ice cream and active listening ears if you needed to vent, or decompress, or go through the incidents of a bad date or a difficult relationship.
Write down the names of the people who make your sides hurt from laughing, from that good type of fun, not the nonsense.
Who will call you on your shit when you’re losing it, who will check you in a loving way that works to help you remain actively engaged in your life? Write them down.
Write down the names of people who cheer for you, who would claim you in victory and difficulty, who give you advice you need in the ways you learn and hear, who genuinely want to know how you are actually doing, and listen with good genuine intention when you have things to share.
It’s easy to feel alone, but you have a wider network of support than you think. It’s likely a lot more people than you have written down too.
Your community, your foundation, is not just your solitary person. You don’t need to hold every single thing in your life entirely on your own.
Make that list.
Next, imagine and remember the good moments of positive additive experiences that y’all have had together, each one.
Remember the laughs the smiles the conversations, the difficult work you have both put into this life and how it has bonded the both of you, even if it is just in an evening, a phone call, a dinner.
Consider the skills and passions of each person on your list.
Know you are on the lists of many other people and recognize that your laugh and your knowledge and your presence on someones mind is a peace and a positive too.
Breathe all that in and know, however you proceed, all those people on that list you made are eager and proud of you and would likely communicate that specifically to you in many ways if they knew you are working to improve something in your life and are actively trying to increase the joy of your human experience.
Knowing that your foundation is larger and more stable than you think is it and that it is more than just yourself – EVEN IF IT IS STILL JUST A FEW PEOPLE - is essential to realize as you begin to step into some uncharted places with a journey of self growth and internal exploration.
Learning and growing is going to feel like you’re getting pushed around a lot. Internal examinations at this level, intense introspection, is tough and brave and very uncomfortable.
But we’re here to expand our experiences and that means going forwards into the uncomfortable, but with a purpose.
And knowing you have a network of support, actual real tangible meaningful support, means you are supported. Imagine it as a floor underneath you, solid ground underneath your feet, and steadying hands ready to toss you a pillow if you need one.
When you see that you have that solid base of any size from which you can walk into the wind, you can do so with more confidence, more direction, more intention, more clarity of purpose, and more efficiency.
Put me on your list. I mean it so much.
So grateful for my team. So grateful for yours. So grateful for you.
Here for you.
Rooting for you.
Thank you for being here, see you tomorrow.
xoxo - Marian